reclaiming me

Before I got pregnant with Logan I was thin, painfully thin. I obsessed over every single bite of food I put into my mouth. I looked great but it was tough. So it should be no surprise that when I got pregnant I let loose, the man at TCBY knew me by name, we ate out, I thoroughly enjoyed the fried chicken at the school I was working with... I think you get the point. Needless to say, all of that eating resulted in a BIG pregnancy weight gain. The thing is, I was so small to begin with everyone I met, who didn't know me pre-preggo, thought I was adorable and ALL belly. Not so much,

After I had Logan it took me about 6 months to get back to a weight I was comfortable with. It wasn't the same as my pre-baby weight but it was one that allowed me to live my life not obsessing about food but also not embarrassed to be in a picture.

Fast forward two years and we are moving to RI. My comfortable weight was beginning to creep out of control. Poor food choices, little exercise and I was right back to the weight I was the day I brought Logan home from the hospital. I was miserable, so disappointed in myself, yet lacking the motivation to really do anything about it. I talked a great game, I was going to start this diet, or that diet but I never followed through. Then I got pregnant again.

Once again my willpower went out the window. Difference was I was no longer the once skinny girl who to strangers now looked "all belly" I was getting huge. It was embarrassing.

Nine months later my beautiful baby girl arrived and I was heavier than I had ever been. I once again swore that I would take it off quick, I would try South Beach, Weight Watchers, workout, run, etc, etc etc. I tried and gave up on everything except weight watchers and that is only because I can be half serious about that with no real consequences (well except for the monthly bill on my credit card). Every Monday morning I would look TED in the eye and talk about how this would be the time that I got serious. I should have just recorded it and played it over and again because saying the words was getting me nowhere.

Today I stepped onto the scale after pre-deployment leave and lots of excuses and the number staring back at me stopped me in my tracks. What am I doing? Why do I keep doing this to myself? I am the only person who can change me. I can't talk about it I have to do it.

So here I am... doing something about it. I entered a VERY ugly weight into Weight Watcher's weight tracker and I ordered Turbo Fire. I know it won't be easy but I want to reclaim ME. I want to pose for pictures with my husband and children without any thought as to what it will turn out like. I want my children to see that exercise is something that BOTH of their parents do on a regular basis. I want to take my husband's breath away when I walk into a room. I want to be happy when I look in the mirror.

No excuses and no re-dos. This time I am serious. I want me back and I am going to work hard to do it.

Wish me luck.